So, I am not a normal writer. Inevitably it seems like my
stuff is ten steps over the line. This has been a real problem for me,
especially in academia; it always feels like my pieces just can't find any
traction. Every now and then I am able to buckle down, grind out the alien
quality inherent in my writing, and find the kernel of personal perspective
that gives my writing merit. But this is rare, it's so much easier, so much
safer, to simply write the abstract art. Everything I sit down to write seems
to come out horribly skewed, and only by the process of rewriting, and
rewriting, can I untwist it enough for it to reflect anything of the reader.
I think this is one of the reasons why I wrote my last short
story the way I did, off the wall and with an emotional narrator. It gave me an
outlet for the chaos of my voice. It let me write something totally off the
wall and hope that my own natural tinted world-view would enhance, rather than
detract from the piece. The problem that I encounter is this, without thinking
about it, I failed to realize that that is what I always do. I always try to harness
my strangeness, and it always turns out poorly.
I have been reading Aimee Bender's Willful Children. I picked this book because Bender's story Fruit and Words, was the inspiration for last week's piece. But as I read this book, I can't help but feel like a have missed the point somewhere along my own journey. As if I was the hero, who had acquired the magic sword, but who had failed to grow in his quest to attain it. And, when the time comes to slay the dragon, the hero flees because he lacks the requisite courage.
That is me. I have come so far, writing story after story, but often without refining them, building up the emotional fortitude to shove each scene against the grinding stone. To rewrite five or ten times, until the piece, the soul of the piece, sparkles for all to see. In light of this, I am very glad that I gave myself a faster schedule, a schedule with three drafts inherent. Maybe I will be able to grit my teeth and take the rubble I have presented, and where the rock away to reveal gems within (if there are any gems to find.)
Either way, I guess I have found out the schedule won't do it for me. I have to find the desire, the pride, that will propel to put every effort, and most joy, into the writing process. Bender's stories are masterful, they are precise. Every nonsense perfectly positioned at the edge or core of the story. It inspires me.
I suppose that the main questions I would ask my peers are these: How do you fight the instinct to wait for 'inspiration' (it is the worst trap I know)? What makes the writing process the most fun for you? Do the stories you write ever entrance you?
David, I can totally relate to frustration of feeling uninspired. If only we were mathematicians or something - numbers are so much easier than words! Ugh! I think it's inevitable that writers go through dry spells (or even just dry days) - I know that when that happens to me, there's little I can do about it, so I just have to shake it off and come back to it another day, with fresh eyes. But I'm learning how important it is for me to be in a right frame of mind when I first sit down, so I can really enter into the piece and not start out in that sense of stuckness - for me, I like to write in the evenings and nights, preferably out of the stale air of school or home, with dim lighting, soft music, and a mug of something hot and sweet. (Certain coffee shops work well, but sometimes my couch and a few candles are enough.) It's important for me to change up my writing location, but I know that some writers work best in routine settings, so I guess you really just have to figure out what works for you personally. It's such an art, though, one that I definitely haven't mastered! My main source of inspiration, I guess, is just good writing, especially poetry. I guess there's a reason our profs are keeping us reading so much, ha. :)
ReplyDeleteThe need for inspiration is one of my worst enemies, especially for poetry. I can manage to produce something—a dialogue, a segment of description—in prose under most circumstances, but poetry is so sparse, so reliant on lean description and pared phrases that I struggle to write anything when I don’t have an idea to work from. One of the things I try is going through my old poems and seeing which ones have potential for further work. They often become something completely different from what I originally wrote, but the one I did use in this way became one of my favorites.
ReplyDeleteThe other aspect of this post that stood out to me was your mention of “alienness.” I wouldn't automatically consider that a bad trait—a lot of new writers struggle with finding a unique voice, but from what I've read of your work, that’s less of a problem for you. I can generally tell when I’m reading something you've written. So don’t be afraid of that element, but I can also understand what you’re saying regarding audience understanding.
Mmm, I relate! The lack of inspiration is such a common enemy for writers. We've all been there and know what that desert feels like. I experienced this, oddly enough, while I was in Italy. I think this was because I was so overwhelmed the fact that I was abroad and in a different country that it was hard to pinpoint specific details to write about. Like you all know about me, I get too caught up in sentimentality.
ReplyDeleteI think what makes writing the most fun for me is when I can take a step back from my piece and see someone else writing it - when it's not so much a part of me anymore. I love strangeness in stories too, David. It's part of the reason why I haven't brought myself to write any fiction yet. However, my ideas tend to entrance me so much that I also get bogged down by them.
I think any suggestions I would offer to you are starting small and finding specifics you want to write about. For my last piece, I had to think of one single memory and one single face. It seemed to work. I don't know what the image or thought will look like for you, but maybe just sit down and get some word vomit out for a while. You may be surprised at what comes out of your fingers.
Like the others, I can totally relate! "Inspiration" is such an elusive word...I think, for me, one of the things that has helped is for me to try to stop thinking of it as a feeling. Sometimes I feel inspired, most of the time I don't. But I've discovered that, sometimes, the pieces that felt the most dry-hacked out of me turn out to be the most "inspired," the most radiant. Sometimes (most of the time), you can't feel or perceive the radiance while it's happening, but only afterwards. So, I try not to wait to FEEL inspired, but just go with whatever ideas come into my mind and see what happens.
ReplyDeleteI think the idea of "silencing your inner critic" is closely intertwined for me. When I judge harshly every word that I write as it comes out, it's very hard to feel inspired.
As far as the type of inspiration that is not an emotion but feeling idea-less, I try to think of the most urgent things in my life at the moment or the things that I've been cycling on for a while. Then, I close my eyes and try to come up with an image--real or imagiend--that helps express or explore that.
I think, for me, I enjoy writing the most when I'm writing about things that really matter to me. So, maybe try to discover what some of those areas of passion, of struggle, of core desire are, and find a way to write from those.