The big thing that I have been learning lately—in both my
writing and my day-to-day life—is to be completely truthful and honest. It is so
hard to be completely truthful about how I feel sometimes. Especially when I
talk face-to-face with people. There are things I wonder: Do they really want
to know? Is now a good time to be vulnerable? Am I too confessional around this
person? Sometimes I just need time to evaluate where I am at. In my journals, I
get pretty close to honesty once I pause and dig deeply to try to figure out
why I feel a certain way.
I was reading Writing
the Memoir by Judith Barrington. She talks about truth and says this about
it: “I feel honor bound to capture the
essence of the interaction in the events as I order them and in the dialogue as
I recreate it. Memoir is, after all, supposed to be a true story (one that
represents as closely as possible the experience); you have an obligation to
the reader to make it that.”
She then goes on to say that she does restructure the story
sometimes and change the order of the events so they fit the narrative better,
but she wants to stay true to the heart of the story. “Perhaps our task, then, is to decide where, in each story, the
integrity—the honest heart of the story—rests.” That’s what I want to get
at in life, is the honest heart of the story. What happened? What did I
experience? How did I really feel in that situation, and what have I felt about
it since then? Where am I now? As I write my memoirs for capstone, I am really
working on figuring out how to put myself and my emotions into the story in a
truthful and believable way. I can write from my memory because I, after all,
am the one who knows my own memory best. And as Elizabeth Alexander said, “Are
we not of interest to each other?”
So some questions: Is it easier to be completely honest verbally with people or on paper? And how big a difference do you think it makes whether you know someone will read what you've written or hear what you would say? Should we always be the same degree of honest/vulnerable wherever we are?
So some questions: Is it easier to be completely honest verbally with people or on paper? And how big a difference do you think it makes whether you know someone will read what you've written or hear what you would say? Should we always be the same degree of honest/vulnerable wherever we are?
I think I'm honest and vulnerable in different ways depending on the situation. Sometimes, in person, I'll talk on and on about my life, my problems, and whatever dramas are going on. Those are things I might cut out in written communication, and might need to cut out in person, too. That's an honesty that comes out more verbally.
ReplyDeleteI find a deeper, more vulnerable honesty in the written form, though. Things I wouldn't mind telling a person but don't feel brave enough to say in person are much easier to type out in an email or message. When it comes to important stuff, I like that time and distance to work it out, play with the words, and make sure I am safely saying exactly what I mean to be saying. So it's a little bit of both!
As far as writing intended for a broader audience, I haven't figured it out yet. Hougen and my classmates from Autobiographical Writing have read a couple of my memoirs and other short pieces, but would I share those with my family, with Inkstone, or with the published world? I'm less sure. Pretty soon, I have to make a decision, though--who do I want the world to know me as? I know that it will be an honest me that they know, but I'm not sure which parts of myself get to be shared with whom.
When I took Auto Writing, this topic was one that came up fairly often and that we had some good discussions around. I often find that I am able to be more honest in writing, usually just because I am able to take the time to think things through and determine how I am really feeling (or, in the case of memoir, how I really felt) about the situation.
ReplyDeleteI do, however, think there is a time and a place for a brutal, bare-it-all kind of honesty. Some things in life are just not meant to be publicized for the world to see, in my opinion. Often this sort of discretion is not so much for the writer/speaker's sake but for the sake of the others involved in the story.
My issue is being over-sentimental. I run a memory off the page by finding some truths and then expanding it larger than it's moment. I would agree with Judith Barrington but would add that you not only have an obligation to your reader but also to yourself.
ReplyDeleteGetting at the heart of things is always difficult, a task that is risky and vulnerable. You definitely need to be careful with who you trust with that part of you in your relationships with people. Vulnerability takes time to establish trust and should not just be thrown around. I think that in writing that side needs to come out loud and proud.
Those are some tough questions. I think a lot of it depends on whom you're talking to or who your target audience for your book is, but in general I think memoirs and personal essays are at their strongest when the narrator is being completely honest. In my auto writing class last quad I had to deal with this a lot, because when you twist things around it's easier to write and sometimes the exact truth is hard to remember or put into words. But I think that part of the art of writing memoir is capturing the essence of the truth in such a way that the reader senses that honesty and vulnerability and connects with you more openly.
ReplyDeleteI actually find it easier to be totally honest (as far as my writing goes, anyway) with people I'm not likely to ever meet in person than with my closest family and friends. I've found that I can't help but be truthful and vulnerable in my writing or else it's just not good, so the conflict for me is who gets to read what I write and who doesn't. With most of my personal essay topics, my family and friends know me, and so they already know about these events in my life. They've either been present for it or heard me tell them in person. So when I sit down to write about it and reveal more emotions and more of myself than they already know, I tend to feel like I'm being over dramatic, or like I'm betraying them somehow by not having told them how these events affected me in the first place. It's so much easier for me to be real and vulnerable around people I don't know because I don't need to worry about what they think of me. However, I care a lot about what people I'm close to think of me, and I'm always cautious about what writing I share with them because of it.
ReplyDelete