Getting back on my feet again after the past 7 months has not been easy. Part of me wonders if that's natural for a writer, to go so long and then stumble when you begin again. Part of me is scared it's not and that maybe I should re-think my major. But then again, we all deal with those wayward doubts at times, and the best advice I've gotten is to tackle them to the ground and, well, keep writing.
Many people have expressed curiosity at what I learned in Italy and how I am going to incorporate that and everything else European into my writing. The truth is that I have no idea – to both of the above. What I learned is really a bunch fuzzy fragments of life lessons floating about in my mind, and the life that I experienced overseas isn't something you can put in a box, much less on paper.
But when I look at all the baggage I have now (don't worry, the literal stuff is unpacked and the rest is on it's way), I realize that I picked up a lot of emotions over there. Maybe I already had them, maybe they were stored up. I think they're piling up now at the doorway to my writer's mind because I felt so alone while over there. Thus, I did a lot of thinking. So when I'm trying, now, to write down stories, memories, thoughts, questions, and ideas, it's all getting bogged down with whatever mood I am currently in.
Amidst all this, I am reading Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. I'm not sure if I either never finished it or don't remember much from the two years that have passed since, but I do remember loving it. Right away she brings up this idea that I can't get over: “good writing is about telling the truth. We are a species that needs and wants to understand who we are.” This kind of reassured me that my wanting to communicate the truth of who I am is okay, it's natural. It's human, and about being a human writer.
But now I have a lot of questions, and whichever one you have thoughts about, I would love to hear your answer: How do you keep working on one piece and keep the same theme and ideas while experiencing drastically different moods while writing it? How do you avoid sentimentality in your writing? How can I write what means a lot to me without compromising the truth because of writing fears?
I guess I am just trying to get immerse myself in the writer's mindset once again.
Sarah, I really appreciate your honesty here. And I can totally relate to what you're going through! I haven't studied abroad, but I can imagine that it would be really difficult to come back from that - it's not a switch you can flick so easily. I like what you have to say about emotion. Writing is such a tricky craft in that you can't just whip out a good product without investing yourself fully into it, without being inspired. I hate that "stuck" feeling - I had it when I was writing my first Capstone draft, actually!
ReplyDeleteI think it's smart for you to just keep writing and see what comes. The temptation for you might be to write mostly about your time in Italy - and I think it would be good for you to get some of those untamed emotions on paper. But I guess I would advise you not to get TOO caught up in it. It's still really fresh, so maybe you won't be able to see things too clearly yet. On the other hand, writing about it now could give the piece a real immediacy and emotional force, so you might want to! I guess I'd say to write about whatever idea is tugging at you right now - but to make sure you have enough distance that you can write about it without sounding sentimental (which is advice that I totally need to take). Anyway, hope that helps a little!
Like Sarah said, I really appreciate your honesty. I've had similar doubts and questions so many times!
ReplyDeleteI can really relate to what you're experiencing trying to get back into writing after seven months off and an experience abroad. Don't worry if things are a bit rusty at first. That's totally normal. Just keep pushing through it, give yourself grace (as one of the sources we read in Writer's Style reminded, it's okay to have terrible first drafts), and I'm confident you will get back into the swing of things soon enough. =)
As far as feeling like you have all these hazy thoughts and emotions about your study abroad, that was totally me too. I ended up spending most of last semester writing about Israel, which was really, really helpful for me as a person and a writer. Sometimes it takes approaching the same topic/event in numerous ways/genres before you arrive at more clarity in your mind, so keep writing about it until that clarity arrives. Experiences abroad have so much rich, wonderful settings and details too--so much to explore and utilize. So, I would recommend writing about Italy as part of your Capstone hours.
That being said, I agree with Sarah that you shouldn't JUST write about Italy and that you should choose topics that are at least somewhat removed from what you are immediately experiencing right now. I feel like I relied a bit too heavily on Israel last semester, to the point where it's really intimidating for me now to try to shift gears and right about what's going on here--much fewer interesting details to use. So, mix it up!
Can't wait to read your words!
All very good questions at the end, and I’m not sure how to answer any of them. I tend to have the opposite problem when writing essays—I don’t put nearly enough of myself into them. Part of this comes from a tendency to hide my emotions in real life, but also from difficulty putting them into words that aren’t trite. Maybe imagine it on a Hallmark poster—if it fits, it’s probably cliché? Or reread it, pretending it’s a fictional character, and evaluate from that perspective, not your own life. Neither of those are perfect suggestions, but maybe one of them will prove useful in some way or another.
ReplyDeleteAs for the desire to write about Italy, I agree with the others—maybe try to explore the topic in other ways—maybe a scrapbook or something, so you can “work out” some of those stories and events but still use other topics in your writing.
P.S. Sorry I’m late.