Of Audiences and Straddling Worlds

Lately, I've been feeling like a straddler of multiple worlds. As a commuter, I have three worlds that I am forced to shift gears between multiple times each day: my home world, my internship/career world, and my college world. Each is so completely different it can be disorienting. At each, there are different expectations of me, different ways I am treated, different ways I relate to people, different clothes I wear, etc. I wonder which one I really am sometimes: college student, career woman, or Reid kid. I've been feeling that way with writing lately too, especially as I look ahead to graduation when I will need to carve my own path in the writing world. I want to write from the depths of who I am: my voice, my passions, my interests, my confusions, my experiences. But I also deeply want to impact an audience, to move, challenge, and inspire them. And these two don't always line up: being true to myself and my deep convictions while at the same time writing to my audience's deepest needs and desires. Here is one specific example. At Northwestern, I have mostly moved among two Christian sub-groups: those who think and communicate about God in a theological, philosophical way and those who think and communicate about God in a creative, expressive way. I really love and value both, and I am firmly convinced that they are not opposing but complementary, that they both need each other. I have been deeply impacted by the writings of theologians AND Christian artists. And I most desire to write in a way that incorporates both sides of the Christian-writing spectrum. The trouble is, neither of these groups seems to like the other. In fact, most are very antagonistic towards the other group and their type of writing. And then you have those more mainline Christians, which is the group I grew up in, who don't really like either: they see theologians as elitist and Christian artists as superfluous or worldly. There are practical issues involved in reconciling/incorporating both into my writing, but I think the deepest hurdle I'm facing now is fear. I'm afraid of being judged. I'm afraid of my writing being ineffective because it is too quickly labelled by one side or the other and tossed aside. I'm afraid of not being considered a good Christian writer. And I'm tired of defending both sides of this division, both sides of my writing and communication, to the other. Tying this into my Capstone readings, one author I've been reading lately is Mary Karr. At a time when I'm struggling to find an authentic voice, I so admire how raw her writing is, the courage that her writing exhibits. She writes about her experiences in a brutally honest way, expressing Christian truths in a way that I'm sure would be considered offensive in the more conservative Christian camps, not to mention leaving her vulnerable. At the same time, she's also not afraid to include explicitly biblical things. In "Disgraceland," she even tackles the topic of conversion, incorporating some strong biblical/theological elements like Christ, Communion, Satan, and Eden. Those who would applaud at her more rugged portrayals and fearless critiques of Christian culture would probably bristle at the mention of Christ and conversion. This isn't a vague spirituality that anyone can subscribe to. So, that's where I'm at. Can you relate to my feelings of being split between cultures? Do you ever feel afraid of your audiences? If so, how do you work to overcome that fear?